FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS


Q: Who runs this website?

A: In a word - Pwürg. And in the words of a Maidenhead Advertiser reporter who shall remain nameless, "What is this Pwürg?" Well, for the uninitiated, Pwürg were (and indeed still are) a select group of individuals most celebrated for releasing a bunch of Maidenhead-orientated pop records in the early 1990s. They also made a few short films and generally frequented the CRCMH as often as they could. Learn more about Pwürg here.

Q: But who are Pwürg really?

A: Okay, okay. The core of Pwürg, and the creators of this site are Owen (aka Mr Lucas Bones) and Damon (aka Prof. Isaac Mangang). They met whilst on parole from Desborough School and have eaten many slices of toast since. The majority of initial preparation and design has been done by Damon on the other side of the planet while Owen has been busy researching by having toast eating competitions with the late Norris McWhirter. But together, they are your ultimate CRCMH guides...

		Owen is an infamous artist, bass player and computer wizard who, having foraged for nuts and berries all over the British Isles (most notably in Wales), has settled within a laden swallow's flight of the CRCMH with his pet porcupine Tanguin™. He knows just a "bit" about Counter Strike. Owen is a veteran of CRCMH exploration and has experienced The Flincher. Under sedation, his favourite colour is Harold.
		Damon is an infamous artist, bass player and qualified archaeologist who, having sailed the seven seas in search of giant avocados, scotch eggs and the perfect pint, has settled in a windswept travelling circus tent in the hills near Melbourne, Australia. He publishes assorted lies in national newspapers and has a furry grey son called The Moog™. Damon is a veteran of CRCMH exploration and has experienced The Flincher. On Tuesdays, his favourite colour is potato.

Q: Why does this site exist?

A: For the precise reason that this page exists - namely, that over the years, we've been inundated with requests for information about the CRCMH. While we're somewhat chuffed that we're viewed as some kind of authority on the subject, we felt it would be much easier to put the core of information in cyberspace so we don't have to keep repeating it to individuals again and again. We still of course welcome your mail and thoughts, but at least the main stuff is now available online.

Q: So, what are you selling exactly?

A: Absolutely nothing. Think of this site as a resource - an historical and mystical resource for anyone and everyone with an interest in the CRCMH. You might have been born there (it seems that nearly all Maidonians you bump into were), maybe you were a patient, or perhaps just an avid explorer following the closure. It's just a bunch of stuff for you to reminisce with and sift through - and it'll keep growing with your assistance. We just want to make things available for the people who happen to be searching for them. There's no profit in this venture - merely time-consuming tedium - but "Oh, the joy"...

Q: Why has Pwürg been hassled about the CRCMH?

A: There's not much information about the CRCMH available on the web. Hardly anything at all in fact. Yet people have clearly been on the look-out for stuff. The most significant mention of the CRCMH online to date came in the form of accounts by Damon and Owen - tales that detail the 1994 hauntings of The Flincher at the CRCMH. These were first posted in mid-2000 and are, of course, reproduced here in full. For the reason that nobody else has said anything remotely interesting about the CRCMH online, curious parties have always been quick to direct their queries at us. This feedback has been quite phenomenal, thus demonstrating the need for a better site - namely, this one.

Q: Surely there can't be that much interest in the place?

A: Au contraire. It's been less than two years since The Flincher tales went up and between us, the emails we've had are into triple figures. Not bad for what we thought was obscure and esoteric subject matter. As it turns out, we were far from being the only people to have visited the place religiously - a wild assortment of Maidenhead folk, both young and old (seriously!) have long thought of the CRCMH as their "little secret." It appears that there must be a bit of Indiana Jones in all of us.

Q: It sounds fascinating. So where is the CRCMH exactly?

A: Just outside Maidenhead, Berkshire, England - on the B476 Cliveden Road. If you head north past Taplow for just over 2 miles (almost 3.5km) from the A4 Bath Road, you'll find it on your left in a tunnel of trees. You can't see much from the car due to a fairly high wall which runs for maybe 500-600 metres. The original entrance gates are boarded up, and they have been since 1985. Access through the Cliveden woods was less obstructed - before the construction of a new makeshift perimeter fence that is.

Q: When and why did it close down?

A: Good question. Have a look at the history of the CRCMH here and perhaps you'll find out (but then again, you might not...or maybe you will).

Q: Can I go there now and have a look around?

A: Lamentably no. For us, talking about our CRCMH experiences is much like it must be for Paul McCartney talking about dropping acid. Sure, it was fantastic at the time but we're supposed to set a good example now and go all serious by saying "No, don't do that kids - it's bad." It might sound crazy, but we feel utterly obliged to say it. I guess that what we must stress here is that under no circumstances would we advise you to enter the grounds, and as such, we hereby accept no responsibility for the consequences of anyone doing so. In November 2001, the hospital was fenced off with barbed wire and a 7ft high green corrugated aluminium fence (which is a lovely cream colour on the inside). Recently, some demolition has begun and the developers have announced that people caught on the premises will be prosecuted, and therefore you would be considered rather foolish in attempting to do so now. Add to that the vast quantities of nasty asbestos in the place (which we're clearly going to die from), and it's well worth staying away. So the ball is firmly in your court on this one, not ours. As Sir Paul said, "In my day it was a whole different thing." We know that it probably makes us sound like a couple of miserable old reactionaries, but "it's the law, kids." So think about it.

Q: Damn. So how can I experience the CRCMH?

A: Simple. Have a look around this site. There's heaps of photos of the CRCMH alongside tales to help you to imagine what the place was like. All preserved for perpetuity and beyond - just for you.

Q: So, What's going to happen to the CRCMH then?

A: Things aren't exactly looking good for its long-term survival, with an exclusive housing estate looming just over the horizon. Keep tabs on the latest developments at the site here.

Q: Are there any other abandoned buildings in the area?

A: There certainly are - most notably Dropmore House, which is a large landscaped country estate set in woodland. Sadly though, perhaps the greatest of them all - Taplow Lodge (dead opposite the CRCMH) - was turned into a horrible new housing estate a few years back. However, probability dictates that ther has to be even more lying around - so let us know what you run into. For an assortment of these and other local creepy places, have a look here.

Q: What if I have something to contribute to the site?

A: Wonderful! On the contact page you'll find out what to do.

Q: What sort of stuff are you looking for?

A: Absolutely anything and everything. If you appreciate the CRCMH and think you have something interesting (be that words or pictures or both), then there's a good chance that everyone else with an interest in the place will appreciate it too. Everyone's experience of the place, either as a working hospital or a romantic ruin, is profoundly different. It's always good to find out what the CRCMH means to different people. It's unlikely that anything submitted won't be seriously considered - in fact, it's far more likely that your contributions will be given pride of place online. This archive can only improve with your help, so don't be afraid.

Q: Afraid? I think I've encountered The Flincher. Help!

A: Okay. Don't panic. Let us know all about it. If you've stumbled upon any kind of unexplained phenomena within the confines of the CRCMH then we'd obviously like to hear about it - Flincher or otherwise. Contact us - in the strictest confidence if you so desire.

Q: You haven't answered my question!

A: Fine - Go to the contact page and get in touch with us. We're more than happy to answer questions about pretty much anything (but don't ask what the capital of Outer Mongolia is, because that's a tough one). We're still here to be hassled.

Damon & Owen
CRCMH Webmasters

The CRCMH Shrine has been brought to you by...

Yes, while we're at it - here's a bit of a "thank you" list from Damon & Owen - just some of the people and other things responsible for facilitating the journey of making this website what it is today - in no particular order, chronologically, autobiographically, or otherwise (and apologies to anyone we've overlooked because this list doesn't get updated very often):

Bean, Beak, Terence (eek), Zoe, Dolmal Filfan Carrond, Ed.A, Matt.O, Clive.T, Paul .B at maidenhead.net, Leah.S, Alan.W, John.E, Elena.C, Georgina.G, Rob.H, Dom.F, Balraj.G, Jeanne.H, John "Ramanachala", Andrew.T at Urbex UK - and everyone on the list, Daze & everyone from Static - without you guys we'd be talking to a brick wall, Bob.H, Heather.L, the Maidenhead Advertiser, Sean O'Meara, Ray Hurley-Castle (RIP?), The Flincher itself (better thank it - or it might come and get us...again), Rod.B and the Maidenhead Millennium Photography Project, Boddingtons, Weinstein, Wild Turkey, Fruity Gordo, The National Trust, the brains behind cs-maps, King Sturge, King Buzzo, Pwürg, Fleetwood Mac, Pink Floyd, George Harrison (especially for 33 1/3), Patto, Big Star, Neon, Wire Jesus, Çeed, Merlin's Socks, Macromedia, the trusty old Vauxhall Astra, Polly.H, Paul.D, Simon.D, Stuart.W, Black Books, BJ's (RIP), Skindles (RIP), Fairport Convention with Richard & Sandy, Dandy Warhols, Nick Drake, The Colonel and everything he stands for, Pinewood Studios, the Tiwanas and their tankards, William.L.Shirer, Ronnie Carbuncle, Timmy & Nicole, Won Ton King, Bila's & Kadai Curry Kitchen - Box Hill, Ivan.B, Jim.H, Pete & Kel.J, Kate.P, Father Ted, Bottom, the village of Royston Vasey, Cris.W, Peter Green, Captain Turk, William.S.Burroughs, Michael.N at Webaxs, everyone from Dead End? - Box Hill, Timbo & Sean, the drifting sound of cows on a suburban night, Ivan for a lifetime of good drunken times and Rosa's tasty butts (not quite as seedy as it sounds), Patak's Hot Mango Pickle, the Astors, the immortal Aleister Crowley (a fellow Desborough student apparently), Nick Hornby (another inspirational Desborough student), oh - what the hell - many of the past staff and students of Desborough School, Maidenhead, Geelong FC, Murray Walker, ABC's "Rage", Andy & his Sisters, Rebecca.S, as much as we hate to say this - Bill Gates for making all of this possible in the first place...no actually - scratch that - hope he dies, the Francis Frith Collection, Zwerdling Nursing Archives, Multimap, Nik.G, the Laura Ashley staff at Braywick House, Timothy Leary, Martin.C.Strong, The cast & crew of "Mist Raiders" - alongside everyone responsible for making life on location a breeze, The Simpsons & Futurama (RIP), The Hydes (whoever they may be), Zoe at Just Madeley - Ocean Grove, The Chick'n Ranch - Minerva Road (thanks Kat), the Pacific Ocean, The Rolling Pin - Ocean Grove, Gilly & Mark for inspiration, Matt, Katie & Al on NBC's "Today" show, B.A.T, Stephen King, Peter Jackson (check out "Braindead" - it rocks!), George Lucas (the "other" Lucas), Johnny Tolkien, The Bill, JB HiFi, Alan Partridge, Canon, Lara.C, Arthur Lee & Love, Eric Fitch, Luke Over, the Maidenhead Yahoo group (and in particular Bridget.H), the people of Maidenhead, Taplow, Burnham & Cliveden, So many people really! Pagemasters - without whom I'd be broke (not to mention laughing less), Um.. Elizabeth.C-K -love always & thanx for all the twiglets, and last but by no means least - Dr Robert.A.T.Moog Torsten Esquire, Zoe & Jasmine Kara - without whom...(we'd be getting infinitely more sleep). Love & Herpes to all (and in case you were about to take offence at this last statement - it's the ultimate affectional Pwürg gesture - so don't).

This shrine is dedicated to everyone who has been associated with the CRCMH over the years - from the soldiers and later patients who left this world from there, through the staff that brought so much life into the place, to the explorers of the last fifteen years who have ensured that the memory of the CRCMH lives on. We trust that you will enjoy your visit.